The Simpsons Movie

I finally got a chance to watch the DVD I got for christmas, and I'm surprised that it was pretty damn good. Considering the fact the TV series has been churning out stinkers for the last 7 years, I had low expectations about this. Sure, it was still a bit goofy with the whole "save the town" plot that we see in every animated movie, but the simple jokes like Nelson's over-the-top use of "Ha-Ha", Grandpa's three stooges grunting in church, Moe being stripped down to his Duff underpants, or Homer getting his head clawed at while in the sinkhole is just a few of the many great moments of the movie. Also got to give props to the idea for the credits, listing everyone with their characters, even those who didn't have a speaking line in the movie (specifically Marcia Wallace, who voiced Mrs. Krabappel). The bonus features aren't exactly top-notch, but nothing bad. I wouldn't have minded seeing the scene with Patty & Selma in the film, especially since it was featured in commercials and trailers.

All in all, I'd give the movie about an 8 out of 10, simply because it would've been perfectly fine with another 10 minutes. The DVD itself gets a 4 out of 5. Some bonus material, not the best, but enough to keep most people satisfied.

The End of 2007

For the first time in a while, I actually had some enjoyment of the year. I finally found a job, even if it's a lame low-level loser job, but hey, it's still money in my pocket that I needed badly. I found love after years of being cold and alone, loathing those who felt what love was. And of course, I got to do a few things this year that I've always wanted to do, like see a New York Yankees game, get a tattoo, have some fun with my hands that involved someone besides myself, and a lot of other stuff not worth mentioning. So here's to a new year. 2008, you better not suck ass.

Classic NBA Stuff...

Going through my tape collection, I've come across the following, courtesy of the NBA TV Channel...


1986 Playoffs: Philadelphia 76ers @ Milwaukee Bucks (Game 7)
1987 Playoffs: Milwaukee Bucks @ Boston Celtics (Game 7)
1988 Playoffs: Atlanta Hawks @ Boston Celtics (Game 7)
1988 Finals: Detroit Pistons @ Los Angeles Lakers (Game 6)
1989 Playoffs: New York Knicks @ Chicago Bulls (Game 6)
1990 Playoffs: San Antonio Spurs @ Portland TrailBlazers (Game 7)
1990 Finals: Portland TrailBlazers @ Detroit Pistons (Game 5)
1991 Finals: Los Angeles Lakers @ Chicago Bulls (Game 1)
1993 Playoffs: Charlotte Hornets @ Boston Celtics (Game 2)
1994 Playoffs: New York Knicks @ Chicago Bulls (Game 3)
1994 Playoffs: Chicago Bulls @ New York Knicks (Game 5)
1994 Playoffs: Indiana Pacers @ New York Knicks (Game 7)
1999 Playoffs: New York Knicks @ Miami Heat (Game 5)
1999 Playoffs: Indiana Pacers @ New York Knicks (Game 3)
Winter 2003-04: Orlando Magic @ New York Knicks
NBA Draft's from the 1989-1994 Seasons
1997 All-Star Saturday Night
Other crap

The Blog is Back!

Missed a lot of old, crappy reviews, or my thoughts on why Video Games suck or not? Missed a lot of hot air and meaningless stuff not good enough for Da' Site? Well, the Scrooge is back again to bring the entertainment.

Scrooge's SMS/Sega Genesis Flashback:

Part three in the on-going no-life having topics of making short evaluations and comments about old video games I barely play anymore. This time, it’s a joint-production for the original Sega Master System and Sega Genesis, since I only have about five games for the former.



Sega Master System:


1. Double Dragon:
The classic arcade beat-em-up. You control one of two “brothers” with goofy names, fighting an evil gang that kidnapped your girlfriend. Why not just call the Cops? I’d assume it would be a lot easier. The shortest game of the series, with only about 6 levels to over-come. Outside of bashing people with Kung-Fu, you can also pick up weapons dropped, including daggers and a whip. S&M! Pretty good game overall, but much better with a second player, since the difficulty was a bit too much.


2. Penguin Land
Basically a puzzle game. You must guide a Penguin and it’s egg down the screen, avoiding vultures, grizzly bears, and various other traps that can destroy your egg. You keep doing this for 60 levels or so. You can also create your own level and attempt to beat it, which is always fun. Just make sure not to set up a booby trap that is impossible to get by. I don’t think a sequel was ever made, and don’t think it was ever converted to the Nintendo Entertainment System, either.


3. Rocky
Yes, THAT Rocky. The guy who beat up black people and foreigners to be the best in the World. I picked this up for $5 at a Mom & Pop rental store I used to frequent a few years back. VERY Short game, though. You train, then fight Apollo Creed, train, fight Clubber Lang, train, and finally fight Ivan Drago. Each fight requires a different strategy. With Creed, you can just go in and bash him up. Lang is weak to body blows, and Drago is impossible to beat. I always get KO’ed by the 7th Round.


4. Walter Payton Football
Your typical football game for the time frame. The color scheme is all wrong for every team, no players are given names, and the view is from high above, and everyone looks like a spider rushing up and down the field. The only worthwhile part of the game is the fact it’s guy Walter Payton on the cover. Everything else is bust. See also: NFL for NES.


5. Wonder Boy III: The Dragon’s Trap
Probably the greatest game in the “history” of the Sega Master System. You control “Wonder Boy”, who is on the verge of destroying The Mekka Dragon. Before the Dragon dies, he “curses” Hu-Man (yes, I’m serious), turning him into Lizard Man. From there, you tansform into Mouse-Man, Piranna-Man, Lion-Man, and Hawk-Man en route to breaking the curse of the Vampire Dragon, hidden high above in the skies. Almost like the Legend of Zelda, except in side scrolling form. You must roam the land through various areas, some only attainable by certain characters (underwater is best suited for Pirrana Man, Mouse-Man can climb through small openings, etyc.) collecting armor, weapons, and money along the way.


Sega Genesis:


1. Street Fighter II: Special Champion Edition
I’m sure everyone is familiar with the Street Fighter II game… and if you aren’t, where the fuck have you been since 1992? For those who DON’T know, you control one of various characters from around the world in an ultimate competition to see who’s the greatest fighter in the world. Selectable characters in the original game are Ryu (pronunciation varies, from “Roo”, to “Ree-oo”, but not “Rye-U”), Ken Masters, E. Honda, Dhalsim, Guile, Chun-Li, Blanka, and Zangief, with the bosses being M. Bison, Balrog, Vega, and Sagat (pronounced Sa-GOT, not as in Bob Sagat). In this version of many many many others, you can play as everyone, for those who dreamed of being one of the big bad bosses.


2. Mortal Kombat 3:
An apparent improvement over Mortal Kombat II, featuring a whole batch of new characters and bosses. However, I remember this game being a bit harder than the first and second, with a much faster engine and tougher A1, and a marked difficulty in pulling off a Fatality. You’re only given about 3-seconds to pull one off, or your opponent just dies without any fun. Some may recognize MK3 for the characters it introduced in the 2nd MK Movie, including a NEW Sub-Zero, Noob Saibot, a female version of Kintaro and Goro, and Kitana’s mother. Stick with MKII, it’s hell-a fun compared to it’s sequels that follow the same engine on the SNES/Genesis systems.


3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters
A much different version from the Super NES and (bastardized) NES version. Instead of just a round-robbin of fights, this actually tries to make a storyline around it. You select one of the TMNT or their friends, and battle it out en route to a series of boss battles, one being a Triceraton, most famous for their involvement in the original TMNT Comics. Way too tough of a game, and the bosses are even harder, if that’s even possible to say. Stick with the Super NES version, which features random involvements of Chrome Dome, Armageddon, and the Rat King.


4. Sonic The Hedgehog:
The original from a long line of video games in the series. You control Sonic, who is a Hedgehog (no shit). Your mission is to save the world and all your friends from the Evil Dr. Robotnik and his cohorts of machines and morons. Known for the rapid speed of Sonic and the distinctive levels, but also the most difficult of the series. The game would be improved upon with a much more friendly difficult setting, plus the eventual debuts of side-kick Tails and the other Hedgehog, Knuckles.


5. Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster’s Hidden Treasure
For a children’s television show transferred into video games, the TT series released several successful and entertaining video games, and by this point, was breaking off from traditional games by releasing ACME All-Stars and Wacky Sports Challenge. Anyway, this game is this game, and it follows the same formula as Mario games. Enter a stage at a certain location, beat it, go to the next, beat the boss, then go to the next level with a whole batch of stages. It’s better than it sounds, and includes all the Tiny Toon Characters we all know and love. Your mission, is of course, to stop the evil Montana Max from taking over Acme Acres.


6. Eternal Champions:
Never played it, don’t remember buying it, so let’s go to the next game. According to the morons at GameFAQs.com, it’s a pretty good game, but going by the illustration and the manual, it looks like a Street Fighter rip-off to me.


7. Super Battleship:
The Classic Naval Combat Game, so says the box art. We all know how the game works. You and an opponent set up five ships, including a Destroyer, Submarine, and of course, Battleship, then take turns blindly trying to make a hit. The first person to sink the other person’s ships wins. That’s how this video game works. You take turns hitting, and so on and so forth.


8. Jurassic Park:
Another game I bought for like $5, but I think I’ve only played it once. I think you have the option of controlling a human character or a Raptor, which is a unique feature. The graphics are solid, and so is the music. Don’t rmemeber much else, but it sounds like another good game I haven’t bothered to try and sit through.


And now it’s time for the SPORTS GAMES!


9. World Series Baseball – I think this is the 1994 Roster. I remember only playing seasons with the Florida Marlins and New York Yankees, but eventually the save feature suddenly shut down, so the game is worthless now. Most notable about the game is the monotone announcer, who sounds like an even more robotic version of Vin Scully. “Lea-ding off… num-ber for-ty-two. He is… 1 for 4… for the game.”

10. World Seris Baseball 1996 – Same style of the game as the previous with improved graphics and roster changes. I think there’s a bug in the system. If you used Andy Pettitte and through a certain pitch to the same location, you can never get touched. I actually threw a perfect game with 27 K’s with that strategy.

11. Triple Play ’96 – Same rosters, but much more difficult to control, and hitting home runs is a bitch.

12. NFL Football ’94 Starring Joe Montana – The graphics are big and bold, but there’s another bug in this game. When rushing, if you can break away, you can never be touched. For reference, I rushed for a Touchdown with Rodney Hampton, but before scoring, I just kept running back and forth for 14-MINUTES, not getting touched, using evasive moves to avoid the defense. REALLY lame. The passing in the game is hella’ hard, but it doesn’t matter.

13. NFL Madden ’95 – Your typical Madden game. The key entertainment is simulating through a season and the playoffs. For fun reference, in the HUNDREDS of seasons I’ve done, the Cleveland Browns have never finished with a winning record, and of course never made the playoffs.

14. NBA Live ’97 – Entertaining game with the rosters from the 1996-97 Off-Season. You can adjust the rosters to your liking, which wasn’t a normal part of video games back then. You either had to settle with your team or never play it period. I think I once beat a team 130-40, so you can guess how tough the A1 is.

15. NHL Hockey – No season is given, but the Tampa Bay Lightning aren’t included, so draw your own conclusion. The Devils also have green in their jerseys still. You can play a season or Playoff run, among other things. Fun game, but the NHL games got much better by 1994-95.

16. FIFA International Soccer – Traditional soccer game. Tough against the REAL teams like Argentina or Brazil, a cake-walk against the second rate teams. I always played as Italy or the United States, so I don’t know how hard it was to win with the even crappier teams than the USA.


Games missing from collection: Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Sonic & Knuckles, Altered Beast for SMS. I also didn’t comment on the two built-in games for the SMS.

Scrooge's SNES Flashback:

You all know the drill. I make dumbass comments about all the games from the Super Nintendo I currently have in my possession and try to remember back when I thought some of these turds were actually good games.


1. Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs
Style: Sports. Back in the day when basketball was good, and video game companies screwed you out of half the teams in the league, we had this... an NBA game containing the 16 teams that made the playoffs in 1992, and actually included the real rosters, back when most games had made up players or just numbers to represent them. Without looking, I think representing the East is New York, Chicago, Cleveland, Indiana, Boston, Miami, New Jersey, and Detroit. From the West, Portland, Los Angeles (Clippers), Utah, Los Angeles (Lakers), San Antonio, Phoenix, Seattle, and Golden State. Yes, the Clips' and Warriors made it to the playoffs the same year. Also, in exhibition mode, you can choose to play as the East and West All-Stars. The only notable difference is the fact that Magic Johnson is on the All-Star team, but not in the regular rosters. A nice touch is the fact that the players are a bit distinctive. Centers are lumbering, and usually terrible shots outside the paint. Forwards have varied skills, and the guards have good shooting ability, but lack any domination under the rim. On another note, the Boston court is the most difficult to adjust to, because of my pattern for shots, and the unusual floor pattern. 8 for 10.


2. Cybernator
Style: Platform/Action. And that's all I know. My brother traded NHL '95 back in the day for this, and I've never played it. Fucking bastard (literally)... I LOVED NHL '95. I enjoyed creating my own players, and giving them funny names. I remember one time having a line that included King Tutt, Pee-Wee Herman, and Hulk Hogan. Yes, I'm a very sad, sad, sad person. N/R


3. Donkey Kong Country
Style: Platform/Adventure. Despite the obvious cheese factor in the names of some characters (the total dependance on over-using names with "K", and the boss, King K. Rool), a classic game that introduced graphics that have never been seen on a SNES before. Throw in simple controls, addictive gameplay, and a wide range of zones, enemies, and hidden treasures, it'll take a long time to beat this game 100%. On a personal note, I don't think I've ever done higher than 89%, and I've never used cheats to find some of the Bonus Areas. As for storyline/plot, you're Donkey Kong, and someone has stolen your stash... of banana's. You enlist the help of young Diddy Kong, a much quicker (but weak) ape to help you along the way, as well as the services of Cranky Kong, Candy Kong, and Funky Kong, to help in various other ways. Travel through seven lands, and you'll reach the boss battle against King K. Rool, an over-weight reptile that wears a crown on his head, as if he were the Burger King... K. Rool. 9 for 10.


4. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
Style: Platform/Adventure. Obviously, the sequel to the previous game listed. For the most part, the characters remain in tact, with a few minor alterations, and of course a new batch of characters is created (Cat O'Nine Tails!?). Gameplay is also much smoother than the first, and we are treated to some awesome levels, like the roller coaster rides. This time, it's Donkey Kong who is kidnapped, and it's up to Diddy and his new pal, Dixie Kong, to save the big gorilla from the clutches of King K. Rool, who appears to have survived the attack from the last game. With all new locations, more bonus areas, and some new friends to help you along the way (and new mini-games with other Kong's), this is a worthy sequel to a ground breaking game. The only downside of this one is the fact you can't play as Donkey Kong, since he doesn't figure into the game into the final level, which happens to be a major bitch to get through. I think it's safe to say that while the original was great, this one is even better. 10 for 10.


5. Frogger
Style: Platform/Puzzle. It's Frogger... you know the deal. Frog has to cross the street, busy with millions of trucks and cars going well beyond the speed limit and not a cop in site (must be Boston), then you have to cross a river with a bunch of logs, crocodiles, turtles, and other pieces of crap. One wrong move, and you go whammo. As usual in these games, the more levels you go through, the harder it becomes to get all of your frogs across the way without dying too much. And that's pretty much all there is. If you've played one version of Frogger, you've played them all. 6 for 10.


6. Monopoly
Style: Board game. For the love of fuck's sake, it's Monopoly. If you don't know what Monopoly is, you've obviously lived a sheltered life. Everyone, in some way shape or form, has played one of the countless versions of Monopoly, be it Monopoly, Monopoly Jr., Star Wars Minopoly, Simpsons Monopoly, etc. etc. The goal is to obtain various property, ranging from the ghetto's of Baltic Avenue, to the millioniare owned Park Place and Boardwalk. Throw in the Water and Electric Companies, and a set of Railroad stations, and you too can dominate the world, circa 1932. Games will no doubt last at least an hour, depending on how many players are chosen.


7. Mortal Kombat II
Style: Fighting. The sequel to Mortal Kombat (duh!), with new characters, much improved graphics, new arenas, and new bosses. Among the fighters are Liu Kang, Kung Lao, Baraka, Malina, Kitana, Shang Tsung, Raiden, Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Johnny Cage, Jaxx, and Reptile, with new bosses Shao Kahn and Kintaro (the... uh... cousin of Goro?). With cleaner graphics, special moves, and especially Fatalities, look much better, and more creative to boot. Who doesn't love knocking people off cliffs, seeing their heads splatter against concrete, or knocking them into acid pits and watching their skeleton's floating around? And people say video games is the reason for all the violence in the world... video games are for taking out frustration in fantasy land, not learning violence from it. Fucking dicks. 9 for 10. Would've been 10 for 10, if not for the arcade version being a bit better, for obvious reasons.


8. NBA Jam: Tournament Edition
Style: Sports/Arcade. A memorable game for one reason... Acclaim made a game that was worth more than half-of-a-shit. Although an addictive game, the cartoony arcade style hasn't aged well with me. You play through tournament mode or whatever as a team of your choice (released before the expansion teams of Toronto and Vancouver). Each "team" consists of 2 guys, with an alternate playerto substitute when another is tired between quarters. For example, the Bulls have B.J. Armstrong, Scottie Pippen, and Tony Kukoc. Pippen/Armstrong are the default starters, but after a quarter, you can put Kukoc in for either of them. For the heck of it, the NYK are represented by Patrick Ewing, Charles Oakley, and John Starks... and look at the T'Wolves of old: Isiah Rider, Christian Laettner, and Doug West. What a lineup. The good news: Once you beat all 26 teams, the rosters "expand" with 2 more players I think. Still too cartoony for me, especially since you can unlock several mascots and even Bill Clinton with certain codes.


9. Road Riot 4WD
Style: Racing. One of the many-many-many-many-many-many-many junky racing games that really have nothing to them. An open road, the occasional cars, some road hazzards, and a timer. There were about 500 of these damn games released on Atari, Nintendo, and Sega, and this one isn't much different, since it was released early in the run of Super NES (a copyright of 1991 printed on the back). I've never really bothered to play this one much, since I got it in a trade for another game that I wouldn't want to mention. N/R


10. Scooby-Doo Mystery
Styles: Platform/Puzzle. Everyone is familiar with Scooby-Doo. A talking dog with the munchies, along with beatnik sidekick Shaggy, fag-scarf wearing Fred, and the bitches of the group, Daphne and Velma. Their a bunch of meddling kids who talk to a dog and get high all the time. Much like the TV series', this game is centered around various "mysteries" at a abandoned ship, a fun park, an out-of-the-way gas station, and a haunted house. I say mysteries because there is no real mystery. Things just happen. Still, a somewhat addictive games with several mini-games, like whack-a-monster, build a sandwich, and evil slides. Good to pass a few hours, but definitely not a great game due to it being very short (4 levels, and the 1st is basically an introduction level). 7 for 10.


11. Spider-Man/X-Men: Arcade Revenge
Style: Adventure/Platform. This game sucks. End of story. 1 for 10.


12. Street Combat:
Company: IRem Entertainment (say it with me... "WHO!?!"). Style: Fighting.
To sum it up in as few words as humanly possible, a major rip-off of popular fighting games of the day, like Street Fight and Mortal Kombat... and if you combine the two, you have Street Kombat. Or Mortal Fight, but that doesn't sound as interesting. Not only is this a bad knock-off, but everything else about the game sucks. There's barely any sound and music other than an ocassionally weak grunt, the controls are terrible (when did jumping go from a directional button to "X" and "A"?), and don't get me started on the graphics. In case anyone here gives half of a damn (and judging by the fact GameFAQs has nearly NOTHING about it on their site), here is the list of "fighters" you can face... Tyrone, Dozo, G.I. Jim, Helmut, Lita, and the big bad boss... C.J. Yeah, not only does this game suck, but the names suck too. I'm sure everyone can identify who is what. Tyrone? He's got to be black. Dozo? Hmm.... G.I. Jim? Helmut? Yikes, this is about as creative as the birth of Mr. Pibb. This game gets a flat out 0 for 10, and if it were possible, even less than that.


13. Super Mario All-Stars:
Styles: Platform. A complete collection of the Mario Brothers games from the NES. Super Mario Bros, Mario Bros. 2, Mario Bros, 3., and the Lost Levels are represented, and in top of the line SNES graphics, too. The Lost Levels, for the unfamiliar, was the original sequel to Mario Brothers, but because of the insanely high difficulty, the game was scrapped for a U.S. release, and instead a japanese game was changed around, adding Mario sprites, and called it Mario Brothers 2. Also, for the first time, each game has a save feature, for those of us who really can't stand having to play a game for 8 hours straight or risk permanent damage leaving a clunker system on day-and-night for God knows how long. 10 for 10 overall, and probably the same for each game included, except for Lost Levels, which is just a pain in the ASS.


14. Super Mario Kart:
Style: Racing. It wasn't the first, but Mario Kart was one of the most memorable and ground breaking "kart" games on the SNES, along with the classic F-Zero. I'm not 100% sure, but this might be the 1st time that Mario characters were used in a game other than the normal game style. Eight characters race for some trophies and stuff... the racers include Mario (duh), Luigi, Princess Toadstool, Toad, Yoshi, Bowser, Donkey Kong Jr., and a Koopa Troopa. There's also plenty of race tracks, including races on the beach Bowser's castle, a Haunted "House", mud pits, and best and most difficult of all, Rainbow Road (with a kickass tune to boot). On top of normal gameplay, you have the choice to play 2P mode in a Battle format, where you and a friend try your best in knocking the shit out of each other with various weapons in exclusive locations. 14 years later, and this game still is awesome to pop in now and then (and can't forget the insane difficulty on the hardest mode). 10 for 10.


15. Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
Styles: RPG/Adventure. It's Mario R-P-fuckin'-G. I don't have to say anything here. 1000000 for 1000000, and if you need an explanation, go fuck yourself.


16. Super Mario World
Style: Platform. Mario makes his jump to the SNES and back to the dinosaur days, with colorful graphics, awesome levels, and a whole new group of enemies and friends.... okay, just one friend. Yoshi, a dinosaur with an appetite for destruction. King Koopa and his Koopa Kids have returned and stolen the eggs of other dinosaurs. Mario must bust through all their castles, through montains, mines, sunken ships, and donut lands, in order to rescue them all... and I still have yet to see Torpedo Ted in this fucking game! Anyway, my favorite level is probably the Sunken Ship. For whatever reason, I kept thinking it was one of the ships from Mario Bros. 3 (and probably is, but I forgot where I read that). In a move that no longer happens today, Mario World was released along with the actual system. If not, that would've been another $70 out of everyones pocket. 10 for 10.



17. Super Punch-Out!!:
Style: Boxing. After seven long years since the original release of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out on the NES, we finally got the sequel. Sure, the style was a bit different, and some of the boxers were just too out-there to be appreciated, but it's still a pretty good attempt. Instead of Three excelerated speed rounds, there's only one normal length one. The three knockdown rule is in effect again, but if you go the distance, you automatically lose. And Super Mario is NOT the referee here, no doubt still celebrating the success of... well, every Mario game ever made at that point, except for Mario is Missing.

Anyway, you play as... uh... YOU (Little Mac must've retired), and you have to fight your way through FOUR circuits, with four fighters in each (no repeated fighters, either). The Minor Circuit is home to Champion Bald Bull (who appears to have lost 20 fights in a row since the original Punch-Out), Piston Hurricane (Cuba), Bear Hugger (Canada), and Glass Joe's successer, Gabby Joe (who's only victory was against Glass Joe, and obviously French). The Major Circuit includes Mr. Sandman (Champ), Dragon Chan (Hong Kong), Bob Charlie (Jamaica), and Masked Muscle (Mexico). The World Circuit features Super MachoMan (Champ), Aran Ryan (Ireland), Heike Kagero (uh... Japan), and Mad Clown (Italy... and obviously a Pagliacci imitation... I think). Finally, the SPECIAL CIRCUIT, only available once you go undefeated in all other circuits. Here you'll see Narcis Prince (England), Hoy Quarlow (China), and the Bruiser Brothers, Rick and Nick (obvious Mike Tyson rip-offs from Parts Unknown). 8 for 10.


18. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles In Time
Platform: Action. The final TMNT video game released for years under this style. Some may confuse this with the TMNT III movie (a damn shame, since that movie sucked and had production values of a 3rd grade play), but it's basically just the plot of time travel (instigated by Shredder instead of an "egg timer"), but with the TMNT comic characters thrown in as bosses, like Baxter Stockman (fly version), MetalHead, Slash, Rat King, Bebop and Rocksteady, Rahzar and Tokka, Krang, and of course, Super Shredder. Same gameplay as usual. Button mashing slice 'em-dice 'em action against a bunch of incompetant foot soldiers and various other, more difficult enemies, like those pizza monsters that pop out in the sewers. Another game that was a frequent rental for my family back in the day, and a classic to this day. Too bad the newer TMNT games couldn't follow the success of these, with choppy graphics, repetetive phrases, and just flat out boring gameplay. 10 for 10.


19. Tetris & Dr. Mario:
Style: Puzzle. Much like Frogger, if you've played one version of these games, you've played them all. Tetris is basically rearranging bricks so that you don't over-flow with them, and Dr. Mario is the same way, except you line up pills, by color (red, yellow, and blue in the color versions), to destroy the virtus'. Since when did Mario become a doctor anyway? First he's a carpenter, then a plumber. Two jobs that don't exactly scream college education. Then suddenly he's a DOCTOR? Come the fuck on... keep it real man! What next, Surfer Dude Mario? This is the Mario Brothers, not the TMNT figurines of the old days. On a random Tetris note, in this game, the highest total I got to was (I think) 159, which was INSANELY fast. My nerves were totally shot after that one.


20. Tetris 2
Style: Puzzle. Much like previous Tetris games, you have to line up colored and oddly shaped blocks to erase them from the screen, but there's a twist. This time, you line up the blocks in certain spots, rather than just in one straight line, no matter the color. On top of that is a new puzzle mode, where you only get a set number of moves to clear the entire screen, otherwise you fail and must do it again. And if you sucked at it like me, that again can be repeated a few dozen times before a remote control is slammed into the ground or against the wall. 7 for 10.


21. WWF Super WrestleMania:
Style: Sports. After four miserable attempts of video games on NES by Acclaim, they made their first on the SNES with this, which could only be described as a polished up piece of shit. The roster contains 10-wrestlers, including Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, The Undertaker, Jake Roberts, Sid Justice, Ted Dibiase, Hawk, Animal, Earthquake, and Typhoon. Game modes include 1-on-1, 2-on-2, and my favorite, 4-on-4 Survivor Series Match. My brother and me played this game for hours back in the day when we thought it was good... but my God, after playing Royal Rumble, this one sucked dick. Sure, the roster is nice and features all the top names and the Natural Disasters, but the controls stink, there's ZERO sound, and the kicking sounds like flatulence. Add in the fact you can't choose your opponents when facing the CPU, and you lose more fun points. Thank God once Rumble came out, the WWF made very little sucky ass games again. 4 for 10.


22. X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse:
Style: Action. Released by Capcom, that's a good sign this game is fucking awesome. Throw in the gameplay of Double Dragon and TMNT, and you have yourself a winner. You get to choose to play as Wolverine, the Beast, Gambit, Cyclops, and Psylocke through exclusive levels for all of them. Each fighter has specific moves and special. For instance, Wolverine can use his claws to climb up walls and fend off enemies at the same time. On the other hand of things, this game is pretty damn hard, and you only get a few lives before having to start all over again. I've never gone all the way with it, but I'm sure it's probably worth all the foul language that comes with playing it. 9 for 10. (Should I mention the awful Marvel's X-Men game for NES released by, I think, Acclaim?)


Games removed from list due to broken down, sold, or traded over the years: Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (thank God for GBA release), WWF Royal Rumble, Beavis & Butt-Head (Genesis version is better), Yoshi's Island, Super Empire Strikes Back (good, but hard), Super Return of the Jedi (good, but too easy, but the final level is quite awesome/hard for once).

Scrooge's Nintendo Flashback:

Yes, I'm stealing ES' idea from a few months ago, so sue me. It's a free country, doncha' know? Since my NES is basically on it's death bed, I make sure to play it as little as possible... and with some of the games I have for the system, that shouldn't be too hard of a goal to accomplish (especially with free downloads all over the internet.) I'm omitting the Mario Bros. series from the list since they're generally a waste of time to explain why you liked them.


DuckTales: One of many Disney cartoons turned into video games. Uncle Scrooge (no relation) must find rare artifacts from several locations, including the Amazong, the Moon, and a haunted mansion in Transylvania. Basic controls for jumping and what-not, and with enough difficulty to make little kids pissed, but only 6 stages means short life span for more advanced gamers.


Legend of Zelda: We know the deal with this one. Despite being very bland to look at, the Zelda series has yet to stop thanks to it's innovative layout for dungeons... and stuff. Still way too fucking hard unless you have a detailed map for every hidden Dungeon location.


Bases Loaded: For a while, my favorite sports game to play. No real teams or players, but still tons of fun, and challenging enough to keep playing. I also approve of the "game is called if you're up by 10 after the 5th inning rule."


Pinball: Awesome! Totally awesome! Way to go Hamilton... sorry, got caught up in the moment of something. Addictive game despite it being very limited in graphics and depth. It's just Pinball!


Fester's Quest: An Addams Family Game made before the movie, meaning someone must've REALLY loved the TV series that was canceled about 24 years earlier. Super tough game, thanks to weak weapons and tough enemies, and the underground maze's are a bitch.


NFL: I don't even know if this was the actual name of the game, but it's what's printed on the top of the cartridge, so huzzah. Too tough to play, the graphics were shit, and did I mention the controls are totally pathetic? You're better off playing football with wiener dogs.


Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers: Much like DuckTales, a game designed primarily for children, but still fun enough to play as an adult. Who didn't love beating the crap out of those weird little aliens that tranform into Dale like in that episode where the little alien transformed into Dale?


Bump N' Jump: A unique style "racing" game, although there's no racing involved... you just go at fast speeds hoping not to crash into the walls or other obstacles. This used to be the most addictive game for my family back when we got it, and it can still be like that.


Jaws: BLECH! The sub-text on the cartridge: This time it's personnal! Yup, JAWS THE REVENGE was turned into a video game, and like the movie, this one sucks BIG TIME. All you do is shoot at an endless onslaught of jelly fish and sting rays before stabbing an ugly shark with your pole like in the movie. You can easily beat the game in 20 minutes, if you don't try killing yourself first.


Double Dribble: MORE SPORTS! This time you actually have real teams: The LA Lakers, Boston Celtics, NY Knicks, and Michael Jordan... I mean Chicago Bulls, but you only had the key player from each team, so I'm actually right with saying MJ instead of the Bulls. Terrible depth considering you only have 4 teams, and only exhibition mode. Cheap bastards! One bright spot: Random mascot sitings during halftime. When was the Celtics mascot a weird Frog Thing?


Donkey Kong Classics - What a cheap way to make a few more sales... by combining the original Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr. into one game, and marketing it for the same price as an original one. We've all played these two before (I hope), and they're still classic entertainment if you need to kill 15-20 minutes, but longterm playing = repetetive.


Track & Field II - Basically what it sounds like. A bunch of "olympic" events that you can play. For the most part, it's impossible to get good scores on any of the events, meaning even a game of this caliber (not very good) is still impossible to beat.


World Championship Wrestling - The first NWA/WCW game, and in my opinion, the best wrestling game for a home console until the WWF Royal Rumble came out for SNES and Genesis. Everything was very simplified, but running the gauntlet in the championship mode thingy was hell-a fun, and the "Boss Fight" at the end is still a bitch (it's basically a masked Andre The Giant). Thumbs WAY Up... except for spelling Flair and Steiner's names wrong (they swopped the Rick/Ric)


Ice Hockey - I think I mentioned this one a long time ago, but eh, I got time to kill. I haven't played this is in a while, but I think you can only play in exhibition mode, and each team is a country, with randomly assigned players (skinny, medium or fat) filling up the rooster. Good ol' team USA... always a bunch of fat guys for me. There was nothing better than starting brouhaha's and having it all come down to a ShootOut.


Xenophobe - I still don't understand this fucking game. 15 years later.


Bases Loaded: The Second Season - Basically the same game as the original, with different fake teams and players, and the animation is spruced up just a bit. I still prefer the original, probably because it was more player friendly with the controls than this one.


Pac-Man - If you don't know about or have ever played Pac-Man before, you need help. Mucho help. Or I'll stick a yellow pill... thing down your throat, and shove Pac-Man up your ass. And yes, I stole that joke from a Simpsons episode... back when it was still good/entertaining.

WCW SuperBrawl III:

Quickly, there's only a few reasons I want to review this show. Number 1: Sting vs. Vader. That alone is enough to make me go through it, but the other reason is I got the tape for free from MillenniumMan831, so it seems only fair that I sit through and do a review. Anyway, this is the Turner Home Entertainment version, which clips out Erik Watts & Marcus Bagwell vs. The Hollywood Blondes and the Rock N' Roll Express vs. The Heavenly Bodies, on loan from Smokey Mountain Wrestling. I'm sure the latter match was pretty good, but we'll have to suffer through some other crap instead.


- Originally broadcasted from the Asheville Civic Center in Ashville, North Carolina on February 21st, 1993. Commentary is being done by Tony Schiavone and Jesse "the Body" Ventura, so that means I can get away without having to mute the television for two hours.


- 2 Cold Scorpio vs. Chris Benoit:
No backstory here that I can think of. This is Benoit's WCW PPV Debut, and Scorpio was fairly new to WCW as well if my memory isn't fucking with me. This match is available on the Chris Benoit DVD, but that edits out Ventura's commentary, totally throwing off the match to me with the random cuts of Schiavone talking to "himself." Lockup into the ropes to start, and we get a clean break. Lockup #2 goes into the ropes as well, and Benoit with an elbow to the midsection. Irish whip, and Benoit puts Scorpio down with a charging back elbow, followed by a snap suplex. Irish whip to the corner, and Scorpio comes back out with a twisting cross body from the top rope. Scorpio with a dropkick and spinning heel kick to send Benoit out of the ring. Lockup again, and Benoit applies a wristlock. Scorpio kips up into a counter, but Benoit returns the favor with an equally complex counter. Scorpio and Benoit go through an even more complicated one, culminating in Benoit taking Scorpio down to the canvas. Scorpio with some assitance of the ropes to counter again and taking Benoit over with a modified northern lights suplex before going back to work on the arm. Scorpio snaps back on the arms of Benoit from a hammerlock position. Benoit battles back up into a hammerlock of his own, but Scorpio floats over the head to escape. Criss-cross sequence ends with Scorpio taking Benoit over with a Japanese arm-drag, sending him out of the ring once again. Back in the ring, and we get a Greco-Roman knucklelock. Scorpio controls, but Benoit powers back up. Scorpio blocks a pin-attempt despite Benoit using the weight of his body to try and pin him down. Scorpio and Benoit with another complex series of counters until Scorpio takes him down with a dropkick and arm drag. Scorpio goes back to working on the arm. Scorpio drops a leg across the left arm of Benoit and reapplies the armbar. Benoit fights free of the hold with forearm shots. Benoit with a double leg sweep, but Scorpio escapes. More counters leads to Scorpio taking over Benoit into more arm work. Benoit with a knee to the midsection to escape and rams Scorpio into the turnbuckle. Irish whip, and a criss-cross sequence leads to Benoit fucking under a spinning heel kick and drilling Scorpio with a stiff clothesline. Irish whip, and Benoit puts Scorpio back down with a charging clothesline. Benoit with a side back breaker, and keeps Scorpio in the position with a submission. Scorpio escapes with unbabyface-like tactics, but Benoit remains in control. Snapmare into a reverse chinlock by Benoit. Benoit suplexes Scorpio across the top rope and stomps him out of the ring. Scorpio blocks being sent into the turnbuckle and comes off the top rope, missing a dropkick. Benoit covers for a two count then goes back to the chinlock. Scorpio with a series of elbows into the midsection to escape, but runs right into a spinebuster. Benoit turns him over into a Boston crab, which looks a bit more like the bastardized Liontamer. Benoit with a snapmare and once again goes to the reverse chinlock. Benoit hammers away on Scorpio and sets him up on the top turnbuckle. Benoit takes Scorpio down with a super back suplex, hurting himself in the process. Nice little touch, there. Benoit recovers, but the pin attempt only gets a two count. Benoit with a side Russian leg sweep for another two count. Scorpio counters a back suplex into a cross body for a two count of his own. Benoit comes back with a Powerbomb, but that again only gets two. Scorpio escapes a gut-wrench slam with a sloppy sunset flip. Irish whip to the corner, and Benoit runs into the knee of Scorpio. Scorpio connects with an enziguri, but doesn't go for a pin. Irish whip, and Scorpio nails Benoit with a clothesline after missing two spinning heel kicks. Irish whip to the corner, and Scorpio nails a modified Stinger Splash. Scorpio heads up to the top rope, and connects with a modified star press, for a two count. Scorpio tries a victory roll, but Benoit slams him face-first into the canvas. Scoop slam by Benoit, and he comes off the second turnbuckle with a leg drop for a two count. Scorpio with a small package for a two count. Benoit tries a German suplex, but Scorpio rolls free and cradles Benoit for the three count at 18:19 (annnounced as 19:59). ****1/4 Damn good match that I couldn't appreciate with the goofy WWE Video Edits. Although the middle portion was a little heavy on the resting (more notably by Benoit than Scorpio), the first 10 or so minutes of good chain wrestling and the last 5 minutes of both men going balls out to win make up for it. Naturally, Benoit remained a "show up now and then" guy while Scorpio went on to win the tag titles for a week with Bagwell later in the year before going back to working everywhere but WWF (until his lame-ass run as Flash Funk in 1996-97).


- "The British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith vs. Wild Bill Irwin:
Davey Boy is fresh off his second run with the WWF, making his first PPV Appearence in WCW (or maybe Debut, period, judging by Schiavone's commentary). Bill Irwin was nothing more than Talent Enhancement, a.k.a a Jobber to the Stars, a.k.a someone who has no chance in hell of winning. Most fans might recognize him as "The Goon" in the WWF from 1996. Lockup to start, and Bulldog shoves Irwin into the ropes. Irwin applies an overhead wristlock, but Bulldog is too strong, and powers out with little effort. Lockup into the ropes, and Irwin with some shots to the midsection. Irish whip, and Bulldog puts him down with a series of shoulder tackles. A criss-cross sequence ends with Davey Boy clothesling Irwin out over the top rope, which is a Disqualification in WCW. Bulldog with a gorilla press slam, and Irwin falls out of the ring again. Back in the ring, and Irwin applies a standing side headlock. Bulldog with another escape and a shoulder block puts him down. Irwin applies a wristlock and beats Davey Boy down to the canvas. Irish whip to the corner, and Irwin follows in with a clothesline. I should note the crowd is pretty dead for this. Irwin does more nothing and applies a reverse chinlock. Bulldog fights back with a slugest and busts out his next signature move, the delay vertical suplex. Irish whip, and Bulldog nails a clothesline for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Bulldog runs into a boot. Irwin goes to the second rope, but jumps into the arms of Bulldog, and the running powerslam ends this shit at 5:49. 1/2* For a basic squash match, this went on way too long. Bulldog should've won in about three minutes at most.


- Weird clip from the White Castle of Doom stuff that WCW put on around this time, but we quickly cut to Eric Bischoff getting an interview from Paul Orndorff. I'll ignore this one, since all it does is set up the next match...


- Falls Count Anywhere Match:
Cactus Jack vs. "Mr. Wondeful" Paul Orndorff:
Like most WCW shows, I don't really know the backstory for this, and naturally, WCW's Home Video clips out anything that might give someone an idea of what the hell is going on. Cactus scares Orndorff down the aisle with a shovel before the match begins. Orndorff with a boot to the head and some roundhouse rights. Orndorff introduces Cactus into the security railing and chokes him down with a camera cable. Blech, even in 1993, Orndorff's right arm looked fucking disgusting. Cactus comes back with punches and a headbutt, then returns the favor of being rammed into the rail. Cactus removes one of the paddings on the outside and slams Orndorff on the exposed concrete. Cactus with a running elbow drop, but not the cool version from the apron. That only gets a two count. Cactus heads up to the apron, then climbs up the ropes. Cactus with a sunset flip from the second turnbuckle to the outside! Holy Shit! That only gets two. Orndorff comes back by stomping tha McDonalds out of Cactus. Into the ring for the first time of the match, and Orndorff continues having soccer practice with Cactus Jack's body. Irish whip, and Orndorff puts Jack down with a clothesline. Orndorff continues to control and dumps Jack out of the ring. Orndorff comes off the apron with an elbow to the back of the head and leads Jack up the aisle. Orndoff whips Jack into the security railing, and Jack does a tumble over TWO of them. Jack comes back to exchange rights then dumps Orndorff back onto the aisle. Orndorff comes back and suplexes Cactus across the rail! That had to hurt. Orndorff continues bashing Jck into the steel and works over the right knee while Cactus is trapped under neath. Back to the ring area, and Cactus eats more steel. Orndorff heads up to the top rope and comes off with a sledge. Orndorff goes back to the injured knee of Cactus, then suplexes him over the top rope and onto the apron. Orndorff struggles to remove the knee brace from Cactus' leg, but manages to apply the Figure-Four leglock. Orndorff uses the ropes for leverage, which is technically legal in a match with no DQ's. Cactus escapes the hold by pounding away on Orndorff. Jack stumbles around a bit, allowing Orndorff to send him back out of the ring with a clothesline. Orndorff bashes the knee of Cactus against the concrete. This match is starting to drag pretty badly right now. Orndoff knocks Cactus off the apron with the knee brace, and Cactus lands on the outside on the back of his head. Ouch... Orndorff brings a steel chair into the ring and smacks it against the knee of Cactus. He sure is taking a good beating in this match. Orndorff calls for the piledriver and does his Hogan routine, allowing Cactus to recover and smash him good with the shovel, and gets the pin out of nowhere at 12:18. ** Some cool spots from Orndorff throughout and Cactus taking a beating is always some great fun, but the match dragged on way too much, and felt more like an extended Orndorff squash for the most part. Nothing bad, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see this either.


- WCW United States Championship Match:
Dustin Rhodes © vs. Maxx Payne:
Payne is a replacement for Ron Simmons, according to the PWI Almanac. Maxx Payne is a suck-ass worker, and his only other notable run (or as notable as you can call it) was in the WWF as Man Mountain Rock in 1995. Definitely one of those "blink and you won't care about missing him" guys that thankfully hasn't been seen much since then. Dustin Rhodes is one of those criminally underrated workers who gets unnecessary shit for being Dusty's son, but no one can get a good match out of Payne. I just pray to God this is short, since I'm reviewing this match on first viewing, something I don't like to do with older wrestling shows. Lockup, and Payne with a shot to the throat. Dustin comes back with a flurry of rights, sending Payne out of the ring. Irish whip, and Dustin comes off the ropes with a diving clothesline. Payne looks like some shitty Indy wrestler with generic tights and an ugly physique. No wonder he didn't catch on anywhere. Back in the ring, and Rhodes applies a side headlock. Irish whip to escape, and Rhodes with a roll up for a two count. Rhodes with an arm drag takeover, sending Payne out of the ring again. Back in the ring again, and Dustin applies a wristlock, then moves into an armbar. Payne escapes with a series of knees to the midsection, and a crisscross leads to Dustin taking over Payne with another arm drag. Dustin foes back to work with the armbar. Payne takes Dustin into the corner, but misses a charge, and Rhodes takes him over and once more works the armbar. Payne escapes again, this time with a rake of the eyes, and pounds away on Dustin in the corner. Payne with a snapmare, but he misses a whatever off the ropes, and Dustin continues working over the arm with wristlocks and armbars. Irish whip to the corner, and Payne catches Dustin coming in with a back elbow, and covers for a two count. Dustin boots Payne in the corner to return the favor and hammers away some more. Payne jerks on the arm of Dustin to take control again, and works the armbar in. Dustin counters (eventually) with a head scissors, but Payne is bringing the suck like no one else on this PPV. Nothing of note happens for a few minutes, so I hit Fast Forward. Payne with a scoop slam, but he misses an elbow drop. Dustin with some boots to the midsection, followed by roundhouse rights. Irish whip, and Dustin connects with a lariat. Dustin with a suplex, but that only gets a two count. Dustin applies an abdominal stretch, but he doesn't have it hooked on properly. We get a referee bump from Payne then dumps Dustin over the top rope, drawing a Disqualification at 11:29, giving Dustin the win and to retain. 1/4* Really bad and boring match. Dustin tried for the first few minutes, but probably realized it's a lost cause and went to non-stop resting. They continue fighting after the bell, with Dustin showing that you don't go messin' with a country boy... wait, wrong family.


- Ric Flair makes his return to World Championship Wrestling after spending 18 months in the WWF. However, a special contract by WWF releasing him from the company forced Flair into a no compete length of nearly half of 1993. Odd how this was the only true interview to make the cut from this show. Flair apparently joins the commentary team for the next match. WOO! WOO!


- NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match:
The Great Muta © vs. Barry Windham:
I don't know or care about the "other" Championship belt here, since it'll probably give me a headache to try and make sense of it. I don't expect much out of this match... Muta has always been a lazy worker in WCW, and Windham was on a downward spiral of his career by this point. During his prime, he was considered one of the best workers in wrestling, and by 1994, he was nothing more than a shell of his former 'self. By 1997, he was complete dog shit, and finally during his last WCW Run, one of the worst workers in the company. Life sucks, doesn't it? Lockup to start, and Muta with a go-behind waistlock. Lockup #2 goes into the corner, and we get a clean break. The Test-of-Strength goes in Windham's favor. Muta fights back up to his feet, but Windham takes him over with a modified suplex. Muta with a standing side headlock. Irish whip to escape, and Muta puts Windham down with a shoulder block followed by a spinning heel kick. Muta takes Windham over and back into the side headlock. Windham tries powering out, but Muta keeps the hold applied. This goes on for way too fucking long. Windham finally break free, but gets nailed with a dropkick and Muta goes back to the side headlock. Windham takes control in the corner, but Muta blocks a suplex attempt and takes Windham over with one of his own. Muta with a snapmare followed by the twisting elbow drop, then back to the headlock. BOR-ING! BOR-ING! They fight over an overhead wristlock and Muta continues controlling with a headlock. Windham FINALLY gets an offensive string and plants Muta with the DDT. Windham hammers away on Muta with big rights, sending him out of the ring. Windham follows out and puts Muta down with a back suplex on the outside. Windham brings Muta back into the ring with a suplex for a two count. Scoop slam by Windham, and he comes out of the corner with a knee drop across the forehead for another two count. Irish whip, and Windham catches Muta in a sleeper hold. Windham starts using the ropes for leverage, even though I think he's a babyface here. Windham keeps that going for a while, then pounds away on Muta some more. END THIS FUCKING MATCH ALREADY! Windham with a gut-wrench suplex for a two count. Muta gets dumped outside of the ring again, and Windham bitch slaps him. Back in the ring, and Muta trades blows with Windham. He rakes the eyes of Muta to keep in control, and puts him down with a scoop slam. Windham with an elbow drop for a two count. Reverse chinlock applied, and I hit FF>> once again. Muta fights out with elbows to the midsection, but a sunset flip doesn't go his way. Irish whip, and Muta comes off the ropes with a cross body press for a two count. Windham remains in control, however, pounding away in the corner. Muta escapes a piledriver attempt with a back suplex. Windham sets up Muta on the top turnbuckle for the Superplex, but Muta fights it off and knocks Windham back down to the canvas. Muta with a chop from the top rope, followed by a handspring elbow in the corner. Muta with a back breaker, and he goes to the top rope. The moonsault misses, but Muta manages to connect with a back suplex. Muta misses another moonsault. Windham floors him with a clothesline, then finishes him off with the DDT to win the Championship at 24:08. 1/2* That was one of the most boring World Title matches I have ever seen, and is a fucking shame considering what talent these two men had in there careers. The first 12 minutes was literally all headlocks, and then Windham slowed it down even more instead of picking up the slack for Muta, who was quite clearly dogging it. After the match, Flair presents the title to Windham, but Windham is having none of that.


- Non-Sanctioned Lights Out Leather Strap Match:
Sting vs. Big Van Vader (w/ Harley Race):
Short and simple... they hate each others guts. For those that need a little boing up... Vader beat the every loving shit out of Sting lead up to the Great American Bash '92, where he (Vader) won his first World Title. At Starrcade later that year, Sting beat Vader to win the worthless "King of Cable" trophy. If WWE were booking today, this would be the "rubber match." Vader is the reigning World Champion, but this isn't sanctioned by WCW, so it's Non-Title. Feeling out process with the strap, and Vader pulls Sting across the ring. Repeat. We get some smack talking, so Vader pulls Sting right into a clothesline. Vader with an elbow drop to the midsection of Sting, then some more trash talking. Vader drops another elbow, this time to the questionable area. Vader starts whipping Sting with the strap. Vader heads up to the second turnbuckle and comes off with a big splash. Vader poses more, but Sting recovers, and uses the strap to have Vader hit himself in the balls. Sting hammers away on Vader with big rights. Sting heads up to the second turnbuckle, but instead comes down and nails an enziguri. Sting heads back up and comes off the ropes with a clothesline. Sting climbs up to the top in a manner to avoid getting the strap tangled in the ropes, and comes off with his own splash. Sting heads up top once more and comes off with another splash. Sting undoes Vader's singlet and starts whipping the crap out of Vader. Those looked fucking brutal, and we'll see later how bad they were, considering Vader had blood all over his back following these shots. Well, you got to fight fire with fire when fighting Vader. Sting takes a shot at Race, allowing Vader to roll out of the ring. Sting follows out and uses the strap to pull Vader into the ring post several times. Nice shot of Vader's back, covered in blood. Sting slams Vader on the outside and starts touching the ring posts, but Vader cuts him off after 2 by ramming Sting face-first into the security rail. Back into the ring, and Sting puts Vader down with a Samoan drop. Sting charges the corner, but runs into several of Vader's standing splashes. Vader calls for the Powerbomb, but Sting escapes with a back drop. Sting goes to the top rope once again, but this time misses the splash. That's what happens when you go to the well one too many times. Vader comes off the ropes and comes down with a splash. Vader pounds away on Sting with some nice looking shots. That's what you get for whipping the skin off my back! Vader picks up Sting onto his shoulders and returns the favor of the Samoan drop. Vader heads up to the second rope and connects with the Vader-Bomb. Vader goes back to whipping Sting, but I think the ones Sting gave were a lot tougher looking. Vader puts Sting back on his shoulders and climbs up the ropes with him. ULTIMATE SAMOAN DROP! Vader starts going to the corners now, but Sting breaks it up with a kick to the head. Vader goes back to work on Sting and heads up to the top again, but Sting rolls away from the Vader-Bomb. Vader heads up to the top again, but forgets about the strap for a second. Sting manages to recover in time to crotch Vader on the top turnbuckle, then uses the strap to pull Vader off the top and into the center of the ring. They exchange blows down on the canvas, with Sting coming out the winner in that exchange. Vader rakes the eyes to take control again and sets Sting up on the top turnbuckle. Vader follows up and takes Sting over with a Super-Plex. Vader again tries for the four corners, but Sting once again breaks it with a kick to the face. Vader with his usual brutal blows in the corner, and right now Sting is spaghetti-legged. Vader pulls Sting by the strap into a standing splash, but he tries it too many times, and Sting comes out of nowhere with a wheel kick to the side of the head! Sting fights back with elbows and rights, and takes Vader down with a release German suplex. Sting with a DDT, followed by stiff sounded blows in the corner, a grand total of 17 instead of 10. Looks like Sting is bleeding hard-way, but the camera angle sucks. Sting pulls off the mask of Vader and scoops him up on his shoulders, which knocks out the referee. Sting touches three corners, but trips over the referee on the way to the fourth. It doesn't matter though, since the referee is out. Now Vader is busted open, bleeding from his left ear. Jesus Christ, these two are really killing each other here. Vader bounces off the ropes with a sit-down splash across the chest of Sting. Vader drags Sting by the foot to all four corners, and on the forth, Sting kicks Vader into the corner, giving him the most anti-climatic win ever at 20:55. Sting isn't done though, and after the match begins whipping the shit out of Vader just for the hell of it. Damn, he sure has a mean streak in him. **** Another great match in a series of them from Vader and Sting, but I still go by my decision that their match from the 1992 Great American Bash was better. A brutal David vs. Goliath match that for once incorporated the strap into the match without looking too pathetic or contrived. And for once, Vader got a taste of his own medcine, being busted hard-way from the ear and having his back ripped to shreads by the leather strap. I think this match proved that Sting could fight fire with fire, toe to toe with Vader, because it feels that in their previous matches, Sting tried (failed) strategies of hit and run and trying to have Vader wear himself out by throwing so many punches.


Final Thoughts: Going by the T.H.E. version of the show, it opens and closes with two great (and long) matches. Benoit/Scorpio is a nice match that shows that you can get over in the undercard without getting God pushes and Sting/Vader is always an awesome match, even if they had better than from this show. However, those two matches sandwich a bunch of crap. Mild Recommendation for the Turner Video version here, but a Strong Recommendation for the full PPV version, which has a great RnR/Bodies match.

WWF Wrestlefest 1988:

WWF WrestleFest '88


- Much like the Big Event held in August of 1986, Wrestlefest '88 was a supercard meant for the live audience only, but ticket sales were large enough to justify recording it for Coliseum Video, with commentary added in afterwards. Taped from Milwaukee, Wisconsin in the latter part of July 1988, with the wonderful combination of Sean Mooney, Lord Alred Hayes, and Superstar Billy Graham on the call. And people thought Coach and Todd Grisham were bad...


NOTE: The outdoor atmosphere has always been a guilty pleasure of mine, so I'll probably be more generous. Also, several matches are cut out, most notably Randy Savage defending the title against Ted Dibiase. In a weird decision, the match in question ended up being on the Macho Madness video, but since I don't have it, I won't review it as part of this show.


- The Killer Bees vs. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers:
(B. Brian Blair & Jumpin' Jim Brunzell vs. Jacques & Raymond Rougeau)
Pretty much all of the matches held have little to no build up, much like any other typical arena show from the time. The Bees have some weird looking short/tights (see: Triple H circa Summer of 2002 for an example), and Brunzell looks a bit pudgy (noted by Hayes). The Rougeaus had just turned heel, but don't have Jimmy Hart, theme music, or an American residance yet. Your usual tag team formula match... the faces control with hot tags and work the arm for 7-8 minutes, the heels cheat to take control for the next 5-6 minutes, then it's time for the hot finish... and I pretty much described the whole match. I'm a bit of a Bee mark, but they needed to be in the ring with a great team or people they had good chemistry with to have great matches, and the Rougeaus don't fall under that statement. It's all action towards the end as Brunzell manages to throw his signature dropkick, but it only gets two thanks to Raymond. Blair gets sent out of the ring by the referee, allowing Raymond to kick Brunzell in the balls, and Jacques falls on top for the three count at 13:58. That sure as hell came out of nowhere, and what a way to job. This might've been the last "major" appearence of Blair and Brunzell as a team, as they went their seperate ways briefly in September until Blair left the company and Brunzell hung arounf jobbing like nuts until 1993. (**1/4)


- Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Bad News Brown:
Weird, I thought this feud was over with once the Hart Foundation (officially) turned babyface and entered into a feud with Jimmy Hart and his endless supply of Tag Teams. Anyway, to give a backstory to this, back at WrestleMania IV, Brown conned Hart into a partnership before turning on him to win the thing, then Bret beat up Brown and smashed his trophy. This went nowhere on T.V. from what I've seen, but they had some good matches. In one of those "for once it makes sense" moments, Bret Hart has his sunglasses on OUTDOORS instead of inside an arena with no sun in site. Way too short here, but with a few cute spots, like Bret Hart popping up out of nowhere to throw Brown off the top rope (a spot Angle has done countless times over the years), and Hart ducking the Ghetto Blaster. Everything else is your typical Brown brawl with great bumping from Hart (as usual). Hart with several near-falls off of a cross body, sunset flip, and a back breaker, but Brown ends up reversing a roll-up, and pulls the tights for leverage for the three count at 6:26. After the match, Jim Neidhart comes down to ringside to help gain a measure of revenge for the Hitman. Like I said already, a good match, but way too short for what they had to offer. (***)


- WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
The Honkytonk Man © (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan:
Ew.... Honkytonk Man's run as the champions was on the clock at this point, less than a month away from SummerSlam. However, his opponent was still scheduled to be Brutus Beefcake, so no one saw the Warrior coming out of the wood work to take the belt in 31 seconds. Lord Alfred gives out a pretty pathetic "hooo" on commentary, cracking Graham's shit up. The usual match you'd expect from these two... Duggan controls with his numerous forms of punching and screaming "Hoooo" while Honky plays the chicken-shit heel who only controls after using illegal methods, like for example, poking Duggan in his good eye, or maybe stomping on his toes. Who cares, though, and did anyone notice me working in a Bobby Heenan joke? Duggan manages to comeback with his crappy offense, but Jimmy Hart hooks the leg of Duggan during the 3-point stance clothesline, and that's a Disqualification at 4:38. At least Jimmy wasn't a lazy schmuck, running around the ring to do the spot, instead of having Duggan come to him. After the match, Duggan clears the ring with his trusty 2x4. Bad match, but at least it was kept short. (1/2*)


- The Powers of Pain vs. The Bolsheviks:
(The Warlord & The Barbarian vs. Nikolai Volkoff & Boris Zhukov)
This one is fairly early in the run of the Powers of Pain in the WWF, who had jumped from the NWA only about 6 weeks earlier (no doubt afraid as shit of a potential Scaffold Match booked against the Road Warriors). The Bolsheviks are Slick-less for the match, but I'm sure they still had him as a manager until Volkoff took time off after the Royal Rumble and Zhukov became the Koko B. Ware of the heel locker room (as in jobbing every week to a midcarder). No idea who the hell booked this one, since it goes much too long for something that should've been nothing more than a Squash. The PoP are pretty over for two guys who spent the majority of their careers as heels. That's pretty much where the compliments end for this match. The PoP dominate with a very basic set of moves that includes plenty of slams, and they spend maybe 20 seconds of the match getting beat up. Onto the finish, where the Warlord plants Volkoff with a running powerslam and the Barbarian comes off the top with a diving headbutt for the three count at 6:47. Sadly, they would have a rematch at SummerSlam '88, which wasn't much better, and had practically the same result. They would also debut their first of many managers (Mr. Fuji, Bobby Heenan, Slick, Harvey Wippleman, and Afa/Lou Albano) in the form of the Baron (formerly Baron von Rashke). (DUD)


- Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart vs. "Leaping" Lanny Poffo:
Despite working primarily as a babyface jobber for the last couple of years, Poffo gets a heel reaction. He makes sure to read a poem before the match and toss several frisbees to the crowd to kiss up. Anvil tries a sneak attack (so he was still playing a heel?), but Poffo cuts him off with a sidekick to the midsection and some rights. Poffo goes for the Honor Roll (a early form of the moonsault) 25 seconds into the match, but Neidhart gets the knees up. It's basically a quick squash match from now on, with Neidhart controlling with his usual shitty offense and finishes Poffo off with the powerslam at 2:35. Rather pointless match to put on this show, I would say. Couldn't they find a better opponent for the Anvil than Lanny fuckin' Poffo? And what the hell was with this? I'm more than positive the Hart Foundation turned face at this point, but Neidhart was playing the heel here, after playing a babyface earlier in the card! Logic in Wrestling... (DUD)


- Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. "Ravishing" Rick Rude:
By this point, the Cheryl Roberts angle had begun, which started when Rude picked her at random for his post-match Rude Awakening (kissing a woman in the crowd after his matches), and Roberts got pissed off when Rude was getting a bit too physical when Cheryl refused the advances. Definitely one of those "the angle out-classes the matches", considering these two worked for months together, and had plenty of crappy matches. If you've seen one Roberts/Rude match, you've seen them all: Roberts cleans Rude's clock with a succession of punches and clotheslines, Rude cheats and controls with some various crappy rest-holds, including a 3-minute chinlock, and then the big finish comes when the entire crowd anyone watching is dead, with a shitty finish to boot. My description before watching the match is dead-on-balls accurate too. After all of that crap, Rude decides to take a walk, but Roberts doesn't want that cheap win, and beats him up the aisle until both men are Counted-Out at 15:44. After the match, Roberts unleashes the fury of Damion, and really, that's all babyface Jake Roberts had going for him. He's a much better heel who has that evil charm to him. As for Rude, I point out this feud for a reason why I thought he was a crap wrestler. Roberts was hardly a great wrestler, but the guy looked really lazy as shit with his constant resting. Maybe if the matches were 50 minutes long I can understand, but most of them were in the 10-15 minute neighborhood. It shouldn't be that hard to come up with something to build up suspense in a match with Jake the Snake, the master of ring psychology. (-*)


- Weasel Suit Match:
The Ultimate Warrior vs. Bobby "The Brain" Heenan:
By this point of the show, the sun has set and now it looks more like a regular arena rather than something like WrestleMania IX (or a baseball stadium). One guess who wins this one. The stipulations of the match state that the loser must wear a Weasel suit after the match. The suit in question is designed to fit Bobby Heenan... I guess there's another hint on who is winning. Heenan of course, plays the cowardly heel, and who can blame him? He's wrestling the Ultimate Maniac. Warrior pounds away on Heenan for a few minutes after a little bit of a game of Cat-and-Mouse. Warrior ends up putting Heenan out for the night with a Sleeper Hold for the victory at 4:59. Woah, the Warrior actually using a wrestling hold to win a match! That's one of the most surprising moments of the night! Afterwards, Warrior puts the Weasel Suit on Heenan, who is playing unconcious. Heenan finally comes to, and does a bit of comedy chasing his own tail and tumbling around all over the place in embarassment. Really funny finish to make up for the obvious lack of action. (1/2*)


- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Demolition © (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. The British Bulldogs:
(Ax & Smash vs. Davey Boy Smith & The Dynamite Kid)
At this point of their run, the Bulldogs were coming close to the end of their run in the WWF, and Dynamite Kid was such a shell of his former 'self at this point thanks to injuries and risky bumps over the course of his career that you can't hope for any great miracle carry job or whatever phrase you want to use. A few weeks before this show (in television time), Demolition put Rick Martel on the shelf on PrimeTime Wrestling, so they had some good momentum coming into this part of their title reign. Lord Alfred naturally favors the Bulldogs, which allows SuperStar Graham to keep bringing it up on commentary. Since it's in my contract, I must mention how awesome Demolition's theme music was during this time frame. The Bulldogs are missing their bitch, but I doubt anyone cares. Fun match considering the lack of talent in Demolition, but nothing special. Bulldogs do their best for a wrestling match while Demolition do their traditional brawling and ugly looking chinlocks. Rather short match, too, something that would seem better fit for Saturday Night's Main Event than an Arena Show. The usual finish of a Demolition match... all hell breaks loose, Ax bashes Dynamite good with a cane, and Smash covers for the three count at 7:09. That finish happend A LOT in 1988, didn't it? (**)


- Ken Patera vs. Dino Bravo:
I'm going to re-use the same joke: If you've seen one Ken Patera match from 1987-88, you've seen them all. The guy is a terrible babyface and the finishes to all of his matches usually include him missing a charge into the corner and being nailed by his opponents finishing move a few moments later. It happend against Bad News, Ron Bass, and Rick Rude to name a few from the last month of his run. Bravo comes to the ring by himself... where have all the Managers gone? They go through the motions of the 50 matches they've had in 1988. Patera controls for a few minutes, gets beaten up for a minute, comes back, misses a charge, and bam, he loses. In this case, he only controls for about 90 seconds, since they're pretty rushed for time. As expected, Patera misses a charge, Bravo nails a clothesline, and finishes Patera off with a Side Suplex at 3:28. I think four people over in Jordan didn't see that finish coming from a mile away. (1/4*)


- Steel Cage Match:
Hulk Hogan vs. Andre The Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan):
It's now time for the Main Event of WrestleFest '88, and obviously part of the Mega Powers/Mega Bucks feud going on to build up for SummerSlam four weeks later. Cage matches are generally a good idea to mask the weakness of a poor wrestler, but Andre was so fucking done at this point of his career, you could've put him in the ring with Randy Savage, Jake Roberts, Bret Hart, and Jesus at the same time and it would still suck. Just to point out something worthless, Andre is almost as tall as the cage, shooting down the "15-foot high" bullshit. Hogan has on his road colors of red and yellow shirt instead of the traditional yellow and red. I think I just stole a joke from someone, but the hell if I can remember who. About as bad of a match as you expect, of course. Andre isn't capable of much outside of headbutts, choking, and the occasional punch, and since Hogan was never Mr. Workrate to begin with, he's not good enough to even get a 1-star match out of Andre, let alone something good. This match just drags on and on and on... making me long for the rumored Hulk Hogan vs. Zeus singles match that never got to happen in a WWF ring, so I'll watch Rip vs. Zeus instead. After going through every circle of hell four times, the match finally comes to an end when Hogan ties up Andre in the ropes (who actually was climbing the cage!), beats up Heenan for no reason, and climbs out for the victory at 10:03... then Hogan revives the referee who was knocked out outside of the ring. So who called for the bell? Logic in Wrestling... And I just stole another joke from someone! Hogan does a posedown to make the crowd happy and not throw flaming garbage into the ring after this stinker. (-**)


Final Thoughts: After the first few matches (which weren't that great to begin with), this show really takes a nose-dive down to hell. A couple of anti-classic negative star worthy matches, a pointless squash, and some other long and dull matches make this a skipable show. Recommended to Avoid unless you're a completionist like me and must have every WWF tape possible, no matter how bad most of the wrestling is.

WWF Saturday Night's Main Event - April 28th, 1990:

- My random tape selection bad luck continues, as it was a toss-up between this or Bloopers, Bleeps, and Bodyslams (1st ever Coliseum Video), Best of the WWF Vol. 5, Best of the WWF Vol. 13, Piledriver Music Videos, or High Flyers. I was thinking about doing the last one since it's only an hour, but I'm sure this one will get more hits. We're four weeks removed from WrestleMania VI, featuring Warrior/Hogan and a hell of a lot of nothing else worth noting here.


- The show opens with quick promos from the new WWF Champion, The Ultimate Warrior, his opponent Haku and manager Bobby Heenan, Mr. Perfect and the Genius, and of course, the Immortal... HUUUUUUUUUUULK Hogan. Hogan with a really lame promo about sending the Genius to the dunce corner and Perfect to the Principals office when Professor Hogan is done with them. Then onto the awesome opening... I liked the Obsession theme better myself, but this one isn't too bad. As usual with almost every Saturday Night's Main Event, the commentary team consists of Vince McMahon and Jesse "the Body" Ventura, who are dressed up like cowboys for no apparent reason. Was it a Salute to John Wayne Night or something?


- Hulk Hogan vs. Mr. Perfect (w/ The Genius):
These two had a program going on through the late Fall of 1989 and early Winter of 1990 which began with Perfect smashing up Hogan's title belt on the November '89 Saturday Night's Main Event (and creating the Hardcore Title in the process), but that went nowhere in favor of the much more suitable money match in the form of Hogan vs. Warrior. I guess you could call this the blowoff to the feud, despite it not going anywhere since the previous Saturday Night's Main Event (January version, not the Main Event Special) which was used to push Hogan/Warrior instead of Hogan/Perfect. Before the match, Sean Mooney interviews Mr. Perfect and the Genius, who toy around with Mooney a bit. Gene Okerlund interviews Hulk Hogan next, and it's your typical Hogan promo. In a continuity error, Hogan has a bandana and no shirt on during the interview, but comes out with a simple headband and t-shirt. There must be a canned heat machine going on, because the crowd was going nuts while in the action of sitting down. Perfect spends the first few minutes doing a "hide outside the ring" game, but Professor Hogan won't allow slacking off. Hogan controls with his usual offensive tactics, and Perfect makes sure to bump his ass off. The Genius gets in the way of things, allowing Perfect to bash Hogan with the Scroll™. Perfect controls for the next few minutes, but the Perfect-Plex only gets a two count. Hulk Up Time! Punch-punch-punch-big boot-leg drop and Hogan picks up the victory at 7:58. After the match, Hogan makes the Genius (wearing a poofy wig) his bitch and slams him over the top rope, a spot no doubt stolen from his brother. Decent TV match, but it really didn't go anywhere. It was all "Hogan does stuff, then Perfect does stuff until Hogan makes his big comeback." In short, a very lack-luster match. (*)


- The Mountain Dew Slam of the Night presented by Sean Mooney: The Macho King Randy Savage with his signature double axehandle to the outside of the ring and the flying elbow drop to finish his opponent off. So... where's the SLAM? After that we get Rick Martel pimping his new "Arrogance" cologne. A few more of these would air throughout the show, so I'm ignoring them.


- Hillbilly Jim vs. Earthquake (w/ Jimmy Hart):
Where the hell did Hillbilly Jim come from? I could've sworn the bastard "retired" again in the summer of 1989 after doing more jobs where non-hosses pulled on his pants to score a victory. Backstage we go with Jesse Ventura to interview Earthquake, who no doubt promises to make HBJ squeal like a piggy. Then we go to Gene Okerlund to interview Hillbilly Jim, who cuts a pretty fucking bad promo about playing with his pigs growing up. Earthquake tries a sneak attack, but HBJ side-steps him and hammers away with clubbering blows. Earthquake comes back with some of his own and squashes HBJ in the corner. HBJ tries forcing Earthquake to toss his salad in the corner, then pulls off the Bee-Ear-Smack. Jimmy Hart climbs on the apron to play with the Lucky Horse-Shoe™, allowing Earthquake to squash HBJ from behind. Earthquake with an elbow drop and the Vertical Splash sends HBJ to the Hillbilly Ward of the Hospital at 1:58. That was fucking quick. After the match, Earthquake drops ass on the Hillbilly a few more times just for fun. I'm not sure, but this might've been the last time we saw old Hillbilly Jim in the ring until the Gimmick Battle Royale at WrestleMania X-Seven. (DUD)


- The Rockers vs. The Hart Foundation:
(Marty Jannetty & Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart)
Before we go to the ring, Jesse Ventura heads backstage once more to interview the Hart Foundation, who if you will recall, challenged the Tag Team Champions for a title match back around WrestleMania time. The Foundation heel it up in the interview, forcing Ventura to back them up. I still say the Hart Foundation were a much better heel team than face, but that's just my opinion. We follow that with a cookie-cutter Rockers promo, and I'll just skip ahead to the match. Although on paper these two teams should've been having great matches, the ones that I have seen from Arena Shows or Coliseum Video have usually been very disappointing and filled with non-stop resting, but we'll see how this one turns out. Hot opening sequence between Jannetty and Bret, with quick counters and take downs. Bret gets a taste of his own medicine with a double russian leg sweep, but Neidhart cleans house with a double clothesline to both Rockers. Despite the involvement of Neidhart, the action continues going pretty quick with minimal resting. The heat machine is definitely on for this match, too. The Foundation work over Michaels for a few minutes and make quick tags to avoid rest periods. Out comes Demolition to watch the match... I smell a cheap finish! Stuff goes a bit crazy as Bret gets knocked to the outside and gets in the face of Demolition for no reason. Jannetty manages to make a hot tag and works over the Hitman. SUPERKICK! That only gets a two count. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and Jannetty comes back with a sunset flip for a two count. Irish whip, and Hart catches Jannetty off guard with a swinging neck breaker. The Foundation miss the "Slingshot Anvil Onto Opponent" spot, and now Michaels gets a hot tag, although a much lesser one. Michaels works in a super-oversell for Anvil's diving shoulder tackle. Michaels gets sent out of the ring, and now the Rockers are having problems with Demolition. IT'S A BRAWL!!! The Rockers, Hart Foundation, and Demolition beat the shit out of each other and we get a Double Disqualification called at 9:16. Weird that three babyface teams were fighting over the titles here, until you noticed the only heel team left were the lowly Bolsheviks. Pretty good match with plenty of fast-action, but the finish was a bit of a spoiler. Much better than other matches between these two teams, too. (***1/2)


- Another interview with Earthquake and Jimmy Hart, who talk trash to Hulk Hogan. We get a clip of Earthquake dropping ass on Hogan a few weeks before WrestleMania VI on an episode of Superstars of Wrestling. Gene Okerlund interviews Hogan again, and once more he has on the bandana and no shirt. I wouldn't be surprised if they taped these Hogan promos together, and removed the cowboy hat in the background from the first interview to try and make it look different. Random note: Hogan throws out the phrase "Texas Tornado"... oh, and he said "Typhoon" too! I guess WWF came up with gimmicks by listening to Hogan promos.


- WWF World Championship Match:
The Ultimate Warrior © vs. Haku (w/ Bobby Heenan):
This is the Warrior's first big title defense since winning the belt at WrestleMania VI. Speaking of WM VI, we get clips of Hogan/Warrior when Hogan presented Warrior with the belt. Ventura interviews Heenan and Haku backstage, and Haku actually talks. Gene Okerlund interviews the Warrior next. As if Warrior should be threatened by fucking Haku. Haku tries a pre-match attack, but Warrior no-sells and clears the ring of his challenger. I didn't notice it before, but the lighting in the arena is a lot darker than it was for the previous matches. Maybe everyone was clearing out of the arena during the match? Back to the match... it's not very good. Haku is a decent brawler, but you won't get anywhere with the Warrior unless it's planned out in great detail months in advance or your name is Randy Savage. After some token offense from Haku, Warrior mounts his Super-Moron Comeback™. A few clotheslines, shoulder tackle, and big splash later, and the Warrior retains the championship at 4:49. Again, did anyone find Haku to be a threat back then? The guy was booked primarily in Tag Team matches for most of his WWF run with a notable exception of his "King Haku" days (where he barely won). (1/2*)


- Big Bossman vs. Akeem (w/ Slick):
I guess since their match at WrestleMania VI was rushed to hell due to the show running low of time, this is the Very Special ReMatch to try and make up for it. It's Round 2 of the Twin Towers Doing-Something-I-Don't-Want-To-Mention. Before the match, we get clips of Ted Dibiase beating down the Bossman before his match at WrestleMania VI. We get more interviews, this time from Akeem and Slick, then a rebutal from the Big Bossman. Lots of punching from the Bossman until he misses a charge. Akeem squashes him in the corner and sits on his face a few times. I guess you can call them the early versions of the Stink-Face. Akeem clubs on Bossman a bit, and the canned heat is still going on. The Air Africa Splash only gets a two count, and now it's time for Bossman to make Akeem serve hard time. Akeem with his signature "bops head into buckle" spot, and Bossman nails the Sidewalk Slam... then stalls for an hour until Dibiase and Virgil run-in (no doubt late) and draw the Disqualification at 2:58. Not much longer than their WrestleMania VI match, and not much better either. The heels beat on Bossman and cuff him to the ropes, but Bossman manages to unlock himself with a hidden key and clears the ring of Dibiase and Virgil. It's a foot-race! (1/4*)


- The show concludes with the 4th Rick Martel "Arrogance" perfume commercial (get it... he's arrogant! OH THE HILARITY!), and interviews with Bobby Heenan and the Ultimate Warrior (with face-paint freshly done, again proving my point that they were no doubt taped moments apart). Back to Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon to official end the broadcast.


Final Thoughts: A decent episode all-around. You have a great (for T.V.) match in the form of the Rockers/Hart Foundation, and pretty much everything else despite being crappy in ring-work were used to advance or close out angles, like the went-nowhere Dibiase/Bossman feud and the Tag Title Babyface 3-Way that later took the Rockers out and turned Demolition heels. I won't give a Recommendation, but I can think of worse things to waste 70 minutes on.

WWF @ Boston Garden - August 3rd, 1985:

WWF @ Boston Garden - August 3rd, 1985


- Like the title of the review says, this is an arena show held at the Boston Garden, one of the many anual locations visited by the WWF throughout the 70's and 80's. Commentary is handled by the team of Gorilla Monsoon and Mean Gene Okerlund, which means we'll be hearing nothing but babyface praise and heel bashing all night. I like Okerlund the Interviewer, but he doesn't compliment Monsoon's style, so it's basically two guys going "oh yeah, that's right" instead of your usual Ventura or Heenan comeback. Random math fact: I was negative 26 days old when this show was originally broadcasted on NESN. Hurray for me!


- Opening Match: Jose-Luis Rivera vs. Les Thornton:
Interesting match to open the show with... I'm sure everyone at one point has seen JLR, who usually formed one half of the greatest tag team in wrestling: Los Conquistadors. Les Thornton is far less known to the general wrestling fan, and myself have no real knowledge of him other than he's from Manchester, England. All I've seen of him was being Mick Foley's partner during a match with the British Bulldogs in September '86. Since this is Bah-ston, I'm betting $50 that they shit on the match less than 5 minutes in because A.) neither guy is over, and B.) It'll probably suck anyway. Gorilla Monsoon notes on commentary that Thornton is the WWF Junior Heavyweight Champion? THE FUCK? The boring chants come into effect less than a minute into the match. That's your typical Bah-ston crowd. Lots of chinlocks, to the point you'd be confused that you're watching Backlund/Muraco from March 1983. Plenty of head scissors too, for those who like those. They go through a bunch of long rest spots, and I have no time to waste on this junk. This just keeps going and going like the retarded version of the Energizer Bunny. To the finish... Rivera springs off the middle ropes with a cross body, but Thornton reverses with the momentum and grabs a handful of ass for the three count at 12:34. That was so pointless and "going through the motions" as you can get, but more in the "this is so fucking boring" rather than "worst match ever." (DUD)


- George "The Animal" Steele vs. Tiger Chung Lee:
Oh crap... didn't I review this same pairing from the February 1986 Boston Show? Was there that much of a demand to see this so many times? Lou Albano (Steele's manager/handler/cheater) is absent for the match. I guess the managers didn't bother to show up again. Before the match, Steele tosses Lee's fruity shower sandles at him outside of the ring, rather than smash up his Kendo Stick like on 2/8/86. Much like every Steele match in the history of wrestling, this one doesn't consist much of anything other than punching and weird dancing. Chumley the Walrus stalls a lot (I'm sure not many people will get that name dropping), and Steele acts stupid. You know, the usual. Chung Lee manages to control the match for about a minute, but Steele comes back and nails Lee with a foreign object after being bothered during some eating of a turnbuckle, and that's good enough for the three count at 4:37. The foreign object appeared to be just a bunch of thick tape wrapped around a pencil or something. Well, at least the match was short is all I can say here, but it still sucked. (-*)


- George Wells vs. Brutus Beefcake:
Beefcake is missing Johnny Valiant, thus continuing the missing managers streak. Choice (and only) sign in the crowd: Brutus Fruitcake. Well, it was 1985 and it's Boston. Do you expect intelligent jokes? George Wells is announced as a former Canadian Football League star, but if he was any kind of star, he wouldn't be fucking wrestling, would he? Beefcake takes his sweet time to remove all of his entrance attire while Monsoon speculates why Beefcake was announced from Parts Unknown and is suddenly from San Francisco. Insert Gorilla's gay joke here, minus mentioning Terry Garvin or Pat Patterson. Wells controls early with football-stance charging shoulderblocks to the lower-body of Beefcake, sending him out of the ring. It doesn't take long for Beefcake to take over, and that lasts for a while. Beefcake works over the left arm of Wells after ramming it into the ring post. Not a terribly exciting match, but at least Beefcake spends the rest of the match working over the arm. Wells comes back, exchanging blows down on the canvas. Sadly, Wells doesn't bother selling the last 5 minutes of arm work. Wells with a goofy enziguri/head scissors move and a high knee. Wells misses a charge into the corner, and Beefcake nails a running high knee across the back, and that's all she wrote at 10:21. Feh... on one hand Beefcake carried the match. On the other, BEEFCAKE carried the match. The arm work was decent, but the lack of selling and the finish that didn't even include anything to do with the arm loses points. (3/4*)


- Pedro Morales vs. Mr. X:
Oh sweet Jesus in hell, this match is going to SUCK. Pedro Morales gets the best babyface reaction of the night, although considering everyone else sans Steele got boo'ed, that's not much of a compliment. Monsoon makes sure to remind us that Morales is a former World, Intercontinental, and Tag Team Champion, and really, that's all Morales had going for himself. He was a terrible wrestler and from what I've seen, rarely has shown any kind of charisma in the ring. Mr. X is, depending on who you want to believe, Danny Davis or some other chump. The first few minutes of the match includes a hip toss and LOTS of stalling. Mr. X continues stalling, as if he were being paid by the minute and refused to lose in 30 seconds. Morales takes control in the ring with an armbar, and Mr. X runs outside of the ring again to stall. If you love stalling, you'll love this match! Morales with a string of offensive manuevers, and not too much later, finishes Mr. X with the Boston Crab at 7:48, and only about 30 seconds of that was actual wrestling. I bet the crowd only cheered the finish because the move has the word "Boston" in it. Terrible, terrible, terrible match. This match would make everything from the Heroes of Wrestling show look good. (-**)


- "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff vs. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper:
Finally something I can appreciate and enjoy at the same time. I just hope neither of them are in a "half-assing" mood for this show. Just a quick recap... Piper blamed Orndorff for their loss at WrestleMania, Orndorff turned face and joined forces with Hogan, and now Orndorff wants to kick Piper's ass. That's the best kind of storyline: short, to the point, and violent. The crowd is really into this one, for the first time all night. Short, and simple, this one is going to be a fight, not a wrestling match. TABLE SPOT! Okay, so no tables are broken, but it still counts. Lots of brawling as expected, and Orndorff shows off his heel side and Piper's ass by yanking down Piper's trunks to take him down for a sunset flip. Piper and the referee argue a bit before Piper goes back to beating down Orndorff. Piper applies a Sleeper hold, the first wrestling hold done all match. Orndorff surprises Piper with a head scissors, but Piper manages to float over into a cover. Orndorff bridges out at a two count, and they spill outside of the ring, where they continue to brawl. Orndorff bashes Piper with a weapon, but instead it's a Double Count-Out at 7:52. Afterwards, Piper clotheslines Orndorff from behind and nails the referee just for the hell of it. Orndorff quickly goes after Piper outside the ring and hammers on him up the aisle until both men are out of site. Fun brawl and outside the sleeper hold spot, not a bit boring. I could've done without the lame finish, but this was 1980's Roddy Piper, who rarely ever jobbed clean back then. (**1/2)


- Salvatore Bellomo vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage:
This is really early in Savage's run in the WWF. One notable example is he doesn't have Elizabeth with him yet, and on the Capital Center show a week or so later, was announced as the "Hottest free agent in wrestling", or something along those lines. Savage gets a better face reaction than Bellomo, who appears to be having choice words with someone in the crowd, and give the "under chin thrust" gesture a handful of times. Savage still has the old "Memphis heel" character going through his system, taking forever to undress and spends some time outside of the ring to hassle fans. Referee for the match appears to be a mop-topped Danny Davis. Save also doesn't have his signature bald-spot yet, for you Nacho Man fans who just need to know. The match is boring enough that Monsoon and Okerlund go back down memory lane to remember who invented the Full Nelson. Savage beating the crap out of Bellomo's pasta eating ass outside of the ring is worth a mention. Savage with a double axehandle to the outside, and back in the ring Savage finishes Bellomo off with his signature top rop elbow drop at 9:16. Not much of a match, but it was OK when it wasn't Bellomo sucking or Savage stalling. (*)


- "Quick Draw" Rick McGraw vs. Terry Funk:
Yes, the guys nickname really was "Quick Draw." I wonder how the WWF got out of paying Hanna-Barbera for that obvious copyright stealing. This is also early in Terry Funk's rather short run with the WWF. Too bad Mel Phillips isn't around to get an ass-kicking again for being a pedophile. Once again, McGraw is a decent and rather stocky wrestler, but his lack of height probably kept him from behind pushed any further up the card than being someone's whooping boy. The referee once again is Danny Davis. Pretty much like every match of the night, Funk plays the cowardly heel, except he plays it more with a "this guy isn't all there" character. Decent match overall, since Terry Funk is pretty good at working a crowd compared to Mr. X or Tiger Chung Lee, but there's far too much resting going on for my liking. The crowd spends a lot of the time between resting to chant "JYD" at Terry Funk. They had an angle going at the time of course, and actually Funk's only angle, since he vanished pretty quickly after his feud with Junkyard Dog ended. After nearly 3-minutes of stalling while McGraw stood around outside the ring, the action finally resumes. McGraw gets in some token offense for a couple of near falls, but Terry Funk remains in control, since he was part of one of the top feuds in the company at that point. To the finish... McGraw takes Funk down with an airplane spin, but a cross body press only gets a two count. Funk catches McGraw coming off the ropes with a Sleeper Hold, and it's Good Night, Irene at a much too lengthy 13:40. Yes, I know that was Adrian Adonis' finishing move, but I don't care. I like saying that. After the match, Funk does his traditional branding of an opponent. At least it looks better than Justin Bradshaw's shoe-polish branding jobs from 1996. McGraw comes to afterwards and chases Funk from the ring with the branding iron in question. VANILLA MIDGET RETRIBUTION at Boston Garden! (*1/4)


- Ricky Steamboat & The Junkyard Dog vs. The Magnificent Muraco & Mr. Fuji:
I guess you could say this is one really disappointing main event to close out the show. They should've switched places with this and the Piper/Orndorff match from earlier in the card. The angle going here was between Steamboat and Muraco/Fuji, with JYD being the "I need a partner so I choose this guy over here eating a donut and snorting cocaine" partner. That reminds me... why didn't they have a Steamboat/Muraco blowoff at WrestleMania 2? They were still feuding through February of '86, so it would've made more sense than Steamboat/Hercules. If this were just Steamboat vs. Muraco, it might have a chance to reach the 4-star barrier, but the addiction of Junkyard Dog and Mr. Fuji kinda cripples my hopes a little bit. Cheap bastards WWE clips out the entrance for Steamboat and JYD, because they have to pay for Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" and Steamboat's "Chicago Bulls Intro Music." The faces beat the piss out of both Muraco and Fuji for the first 4-5 minutes until Steamboat gets to play the face-in-peril. The heels work over Steamboat pretty well and cheat whenever possible. Death spot of the match comes with them sharing time to apply vulcan nerve pinches. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate that fucking move? Oh well, I guess it's better than the Titty-Twister Sika gave to Hulk Hogan at the October '87 Saturday Night's Main Event. Back to the match, and Steamboat continues to play dead. JYD finally gets the hot tag after 5 minutes of Steamboat getting his ass kicked. Steamboat comes back inb and beats the shit out of Muraco. Pissed-off Steamboat is always awesomr to see. Fuji gets to play whooping old man, and Steamboat finishes him off rather quickly with the top rope cross body press at 11:55. After the match, Steamboat gets a face-full of salt, but nothing else happens. Pfft... Muraco would've beat the crap out of him and hung him with his black-belt like he did on Championship Wrestling a few weeks later, not run away like a pussy. Fun match with a pretty good tag-formula psychology going on, but it could've done with another 4-5 minutes to build up. The opening babyfaces thrash the heels and the heels destroy a babyface segments ate up a lot of time, leaving the finish to be rather rushed. (***)


Final Thoughts: Outside of a couple of good matches in the form of Piper vs. Orndorff and the Tag Match at the end, this show really fucking sucks. It was cool to see Savage and Funk during the early days of their runs at the time, but both matches were nothing to write home about. The less said about the first half of the show the better, especially since a Brutus Beefcake carry-job couldn't break the 1-star barrier, and was easily the best match of the first hour. Strong Recommendation to Avoid, but for a Rarities kind of guy, knock yourself out.